It has been quite a while since we last posted an article for your reading pleasure. For those of you who have missed us, my apologies. I had to go heads-down in preparation for a video course being produced for The Storms Have Only Just Begun. As you will see here, God used that preparation in a wonderful and surprising way.

This is a testimony to God’s call and grace for my deep healing and His glory. To set up the testimony, we need to share a bit of definition, background, and context. So, please bear with me; it will be worth it. You will be encouraged, edified, and equipped for your next adventure by this witness of God’s attention to the desires of our hearts.

Definition

Transformation is God’s way for healing our soul, renewing our minds, and maturing us spiritually. As we have come to understand it, the process begins when God stirs a desire in our heart (sometimes unnoticed at first); a desire which ultimately becomes a good work for His glory. Between desire and good work, the Holy Spirit transforms us by the renewing of our minds, to walk in the good work God has created specifically for our participation (i.e., to walk in it). The primary biblical references for this include Romans 12:2, 2Corinthians 3:18, Ephesians 2:10, and Matthew 5:16.

Background

God used me to write a book, The Storms Have Only Just Begun, between 2020 and 2022. The desire of my heart for that project: To help Christians become houses who stand in the storms of this decade as refuge, encouragement, and wisdom for their family, friends, and neighbors. For reasons not completely understood, marketing for the book was less than promised and the sales, disappointing. God is in control, so I moved on to other things.

In 2024, the original publisher went out of business. Leadership Books graciously offered to move The Storms Have Only Just Begun to their platform and remarket the book using their customized approach, including the production of an online video course. After much prayer, we decided to walk into this new adventure with Mike Stickler and his team. Hindsight being 20/20, I now see this as my commitment to step out into some much-needed transformation, though I did not know it at the time (yes, God does that).   

One final piece of background information (spoiler alert): For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with all things relational. The source of that struggle has been a shell my carnal mind constructed to protect itself from emotional injury. That shell has manifested in a judgmental spirit, pride, and several destructive coping mechanisms. God has healed my soul of these things through several notable seasons of transformation. I am now not so naïve to think He has completed the work, but most of those seasons have come unexpectedly.

Context

When it began, I did not realize God intended to use this new adventure for my transformation. I just thought it was an opportunity worth pursuing. The only clue that this might be something more was my recent frustration in trying to create an introduction video for our newest project, A Christian Response to the Metacrisis. Surprisingly, that recent failure never entered my mind when considering Leadership Books’ offer. It did however become quite real once I started practicing for the course recordings.

Much like my attempts with the introduction video, I simply could not communicate in front of a camera. The weird thing is, I have done so hundreds of times in online meetings and podcasts. Furthermore, God healed me of anxiety related to speaking in front of live audiences many years ago. Sometimes these things just do not make sense outside the mind of God.

To make matters worse, Beth and I were in the throes of selling our house, buying a new one, and moving. That in itself was a five-month saga; we almost sold our house twice, and almost bought two houses, before settling on the one we now live in. The timing left me pressed to develop chapter outlines and scripts – for a book I last opened in 2022 – in less than six weeks. When the video recording practice began, I finally realized God was up to something.

The Testimony

So here I was, financially committed to something I was utterly incapable of doing. I could not get through ten minutes of recording, alone in my office. How was I going to sit in front of a producer and crew for fourteen twenty-to-thirty-minute episodes? Clearly, the outcome would be miracle or disaster. I just did not have it in me, no matter how hard I tried. This was exactly the storm we talk about in The Storms Have Only Just Begun, just not the type I expected.

Of course, God does not require or offer anything of us that He is not capable of accomplishing with our willingness and participation. Prior to any of this happening, I had a dream He used to say, “I’ve got you.” A few days in to the storm, that familiar encouragement in Nehemiah 8:10 – “the joy of the LORD is your strength” – came to mind, but in a different way. It seemed the Lord was saying, “It is My joy to be your strength.” Finally, through a conversation with a brother in Christ, I heard the Holy Spirit say, “I put it in you; you can certainly trust Me to get it out of you.”

So, with those encouragements, I pressed into prayer to understand what was inhibiting my ability to speak in front of a camera, and what God desired to do about it. The following is from my journal:

God has encouraged and required me to participate with Him at a different level in the video project. I have no confidence in my ability to lecture the content. I simply do not have the mental capacity. Furthermore, I cannot imagine a method that is somewhere between lecture and trusting the Spirit to say what needs to be said, where I have some scaffolding or safety net to protect me from absolute failure. And I am genuinely afraid of failing, and the effect that will have on my self-esteem. This is at least part of the problem: the importance of self-esteem to me. It seems I do not want to experience something from my past, like self-loathing.

This reminds me of the struggle I’ve had with the matter of loving oneself: to love others we must first learn to love ourselves. When asked how does someone love themselves, John Brown responded, “The only right way to love anyone, including yourself, is as an instrument of God. Allow God to love you.” How can I be an instrument of God‘s love for myself? Stop hating yourself: receive His love; give attention to my heart; and protect and nurture my relationship with God in this.

In this case, God will love me the same, whether I fail or succeed. Jesus loves me, this I know. Therefore, my motivation to let go is the return of that love – that He would make the most of what He desires from it. The desire of my heart is that He would make the most of what He desires from the video project and from me. 

Remember: It is not about loving myself, narcissistically, but receiving His love for me. The former leads to control mechanisms that will fail; the latter, to freedom and the manifestation of God’s glory.

It seems the transformation is deliverance from the fear of failure and self-loathing, that I might “love one another as I have loved you” – being able to receive God‘s unconditional love, enabling me to be an instrument of the same, in the video and the rest of my life.

A few days after writing this the transformation was complete. The barrier broken, all that remained was applying a bit of technique through practice, making my way to the recording studio, and trusting God to do the speaking. The proof will be in the pudding, but the producer expressed his pleasure, and it seems God was pleased, as well.

It is important to recognize that God works out all the details when He is at work. For example, Mike Stickler turned out to be a strong Christian brother whom God prepared and positioned to be a part of His work. Each day, Mike laid hands on me and prayed that I would be God’s instrument for His glory. And speaking of prayer, there were dozens of people praying for me each of the three days we recorded – all people God orchestrated into my life for such a time as this.

In closing, I want to acknowledge that God addressed, in large part, at least five desires I have been carrying around in my heart. In the process, He has transformed me for more, healing a deep wound in my soul. “I’ve got you,” “It is My joy to be your strength,” and “I put it in you; you can certainly trust Me to get it out of you” will always be with me. The practical experience will enable us to produce additional courses for existing and future writing projects. Furthermore, He gave me a new and good friend.

For all this, I will be forever grateful.

God bless you with courage, wisdom, and healing for the good work He has created for you to walk in.

Have a strong day in the Lord,

Rob