The Self-Protection and Community Paradox
The following describes an encounter I had with God over the past week. I pray it will encourage, edify, and equip you as you seek to build the community we so desperately need in this chaotic and storming season.
The encounter began innocently enough with the following thought:
An individual has a much better chance of protection from the evil of this world when he/she are in community (wolf packs attack the wandering elk before a sickly one protected within the herd). However – and this is the paradox – an individual cannot be a community member without giving something of themself to it. Those who attempt to garner the benefits of community without self-sacrifice are eventually identified as parasites and rejected.
Attempting to live in community transactionally – trading a measured amount of self for community acceptance – does not work because community is not transaction based, at least not in God’s kingdom. True community is relational, and relationships ultimately depend on sacrificial love.
It is impossible to build community and self-protect in relationships.
Then God began to show me what this was really about. The following is pretty much straight from my journal. It seems to be a mix of confession, testimony, teaching, and prayer.
This matter of self-protection and community is a paradox I have not navigated very well in my life; not because I do not want to love people, but because I have wanted to remain in control of my relationships within them – to protect myself against painful relational outcomes. It has been an exercise in frustrating futility.
The fact of the matter is this: self-sacrifice requires giving up the control necessary to protect oneself; the two attitudes run counter to each other. If it were possible at all, only the most emotionally intelligent could self-protect while sacrificing themselves for others. For the rest of us, the attempt reveals a foolishness, resulting in frustration, disappointment, loss of relationship.
Furthermore, control is reign, and God will not allow it. To experience God’s love for others, we must bring our desire for control to the cross. Ultimately, sacrificial love – the love required for community – is love out of control. It is God’s love, to be offered and manifested as He determines. I am just the instrument of God; what say do I have in the measure of sacrifice required?
This desire for control may be as deep-rooted as my pride. I must discipline myself to reject it in every relationship and circumstance and allow the Holy Spirit to identify and uproot it. It seems to me that, once again, my carnal mind is enemy #1.
The removal of the desire for control is not the same as losing self-control. We are empowered for self-control; it is a portion of the Spirit’s fruit in our lives and the mark of a sound mind.
Additionally, giving up control is not the same as giving control to other humans. Our surrender is to God, recognizing He controls every relationship and circumstance. It is the spirit of Psalm 37:5 (and several other “trust the LORD” passages).
So, where do we begin? Is there a discipline and/or way of God that encourages and empowers us for participation with God as He works in us to will and to do to His good pleasure in relationship and community? What are His words for faith in this? What is the truth we might reckon for the renewal of our minds?
As I contemplated these questions, the Holy Spirit touched me in an incredible and unexpected way. My heart was overwhelmed to tears with His encouragement and love. I must not forget this moment (one reason I am sharing it with you). Something has changed – been released – and I am confident I will never be the same. Transformation has begun. Salvation continues. The good work awaits. Amen.
Update #1: The following day, God had this to say:
Every human being has a personality and a presence that they bring into every relationship, interaction, and circumstance. They also come with attitude, perspective, experience, emotional intelligence, etc. When we control our relationships, interactions, and circumstances, we bring only what we have to offer, and that only in the state of godliness so far accomplished in us.
On the other hand, when we surrender control, the attitude, perspective, experience, emotional intelligence, etc. of God enters and controls. His personality and presence are most evident. Our insistence on control inhibits the life of Christ, the fruit and gifts of the Spirit, and the love, power, and glory of our Father in heaven.
My reluctance to surrender control – in order to protect myself – prevents me from experiencing the greater than life – and blessing others with it.
Oh, why has it taken so long for me to understand this?
I have been surrendering to God’s reign for years now, but only down to a certain level. Reign over me, and I will protect myself. I know, it sounds silly, but I was not allowing His reign to permeate my relationships, interactions, and circumstances – AND I DID NOT KNOW IT.
Think about that. What else is going on in our subconscious, carnal mind? My ignorance in this matter is both astonishing and frustrating.
But I am now hopeful. There is hope for me still. God is working in me to will and to do to His good pleasure – to give me His kingdom.
Update #2: God continues to meet me in my meditations on this subject. Most of His ministry has been a deeper understanding and encouragement in things I already know. For example, surrendering control is a dying to self – what Jesus meant by denying oneself, taking up your cross, and following after Him. Also, he who will lose his life for My sake and the Gospel will find it.
Surrendering control in relationships allows the fruit of the Spirit to get out on the people we love. Control blocks the Vine’s nourishing life, even for those who are abiding in Him, and inhibits the good works that glorify our Father in heaven.
Furthermore, the caterpillar determined to control the process of metamorphosis will never be transformed into a beautiful butterfly. At best, he will come out of his cocoon deformed and disappointed.
Finally, I find there is little I can do, in the way of discipline, to surrender control, beyond choosing. I have made my vow, and I will continue to choose surrender and death, but I am at the mercy of God to will and to do to His good pleasure. I appreciate your prayers on my behalf.
Humbly yours and forever His,
Rob
#iamjustthepen
P.S. It occurs to me that choosing is a discipline. Also, dying. What do you think?